falling for you.

All I can think about is, when next year, next Halloween, next Christmas, Junior year.....
what am I going to miss.

It's not really certain (everything is really unorganized, not really sure what I need to do), but I believe I still have at least a few months before the deadlines.

I plan to be in China for a whole entire year... I wonder if it will be enough to learn Chinese. My Chinese already is back to where it was before I left for China this summer..

One year... it's not really much, but so much can change?
Will I be left behind from everyone I know?
Will I fall away from everyone I know?
People might even be gone... and even if they're not really 'my friends', they're still a part of my life.
That's scary..
How much will I miss? How much will things change? How much will I change? How much will you change?

For a year I will be away. That's big isn't it? Call me childish, but that's scary. And I'm excited, but I'm also so very scared. And I want to so badly want to learn Chinese, but it's still hard to let goo..

I don't know where or what I'm doing with my life; what job? What major? What what where how so many questions. No clues no direction I have no clue what so ever.
Just follow what I want, hopefully that will take me somewhere..
No point in worrying too much. Just gotta do it.

I won't be living in an apartment with Sarah next year.
I might not be able to say goodbye to certain people.
I might lose some people..
No hanging out in Halloween.... who even know about Christmas.. I will miss people's birthday and won't be able to help celebrate their one year closer to death.. I won't have access to facebook or even this blog... all I will have is email and maybe skyping. I won't be able to creep on facebook when I probably shouldn't be haha.. no Eric a phonecall away..
China is quite different from America... in ways it won't be comfortable. Probably thinking too much about it, but can't stop thinking about it.
I'll probably end up in Beijing.
Beijing, this big city, busy busy busy busy busyyyy, so unlike little Irmo/Columbia..
This is my plan, and this is what I want so I'm going to go after it.

In a year, how much different will everything be if/when I come back?
How much different will I be?..