because of you.

1. ne-yo has a really smooth voice??
2. my eyes burn. maybe it's cause it's late and i been tired. and probably because i been wearing eyeliner and my eyes probably aren't used to this/don't like it or something. they're red, and slightly burning.. and i sort of enjoy the feeling.

this is just sort of a rant.

but it bothers me how some people are like 'oh atheist believe in nothing.'
and also how some people claim to seem to already know why the reason someone is atheist.
i mean so many things bother me... and it makes me want to cry because i'm overemotional, and maybe because i'm a girl. or maybe it's because because i'm a girl that i am overemotional. whatever.

i guess i just care too much about things sometimes, even though when i tried to help.. there is nothing you can do.. cause the only person who can help them.. well his or herself..
it's really depressing when i really think about it..
wow i'm dumb.

i was convinced to go to church today.
i sort of just felt almost the whole time that i was being yelled at.
i mean i knew that wasn't his intent.. he was quite emotional. i mean he's doing what he feels right.. that's great. people were taking notes. i felt like i was almost in a classroom.
it's a relationship.. not a religion.
all it reminded me was of senior year when i went to gateway, and they asked us who ever doubted to come up and sit at the front. like the 2nd person who dared to do so. and when i did that, the very time i was at gateway because i was invited.. i cried. was it because of shame. was it because i got overwhelmed at being so exposed. i mean i know i cry easily.
crying=a sign of weakness?
i can't but help feel how stupid people must think i am if they have seen my cry in public. oops?
haha. makes me think.. of those things.... of trying so hard not to try in public.. but this... overwhelming undeniable.. lump of feelings just won't go back down.. and just can't calm down. to try to stop the tears.

i guess right now i feel overwhelmed at how much a weak person i am. i mean sometimes i feel that i am a strong person, feel secretly that i am a strong person. and i try to get reassured of that through others, particularly one person. but that doesn't really happen.
i'm pretty moldable.. damn.

this is nonsense.